Ranting by Dolomite
Hello readers. Sorry about last month. Lately, poor Dolomite has been very busy. I have not only a time-heavy internship at a courthouse (thankfully, no urine test was issued), a second job for actual money which is just as bad with sucking away the fun in my life, but a bunch of buddies that manage to get me to the bars whenever I have a little bit of free time. This trio of woes (okay, maybe the bar time is not an actual woe) have left me with little time. This Ranting is currently being written on a McDonald's napkin during a boring probation hearing in the Courthouse.
I know that I usually have a humorous story to tell about something I have done in the last month, but I got nadda. I have a few humorous tidbits from a few of the trials and hearings I have been privy to, but I'm forbidden to say anything about them due to the gag order from the judge I am interning for. I have had a few humorous bar adventures, but it is not the same when I am telling the story based on what little my friends remember about it. It has just been hell at work, so there is no fun there. Well, actually, there is one.
This happened last week. It was what my college called a "Fresh Start." Basically, a portion of the incoming freshmen and their parents are invited to the college for the day. During that day, they are treated to breakfast and lunch. The parents tour the campus and are given speeches on the high safety rates and whatnot. The students take tests for placement reasons and surveys for informational reasons. Then the students meet with advisors and schedule their first term of classes. Then everyone meets up again and goes home. My involvement was that of being employed in the dining services on campus. So I helped with breakfast and lunch and a few little things here and there.
The morning was long and boring. A few of the freshmen females looked good, but most dressed "proper" since their parents were around. All and all, it was looking like there would be a lot of whiners in the cafeteria, as well as a few individuals kept in a state of anorexia due to a fear of the freshman fifteen. I already heard some of it over the lack of fat-free bagels at the breakfast service. Like one donut or muffin would really do any damage.
This story, though it is getting off track, deals with a particular incident that a coworker had. Now, I did admit that some of these girls looked good. This is only my opinion since I have seen how some freshmen girls look once the parents are gone and the girls have been to their first party. My buddy had just been released form the army. He had done his needed time before college and now the government was paying for his education. To put it politely, he was walking around with an untucked shirt most of the time.
Now, after lunch was served to the parents and students, us workers had a little break. My army buddy went outside the back of the building to have a smoke while I ate what I could since I missed breakfast. While out smoking, a freshman girl came around for a breather from her parents. She caught Brian smoking and wanted to know if she could bum one from him. While she smoked that cigarette, she began to check Brian out. She must have noticed his "untucked shirt" because she asked him what he wanted for the cigarette. Before he could answer, she had him unzipped and out. Brian directed her behind a trash receptor and got himself a blowjob.
While this is all going on, I am stuffing my face full of Ox Roast and loving every minute of it. Usually the cafeteria would not even see this type of meal, but the parents have to be convinced that the high price of college equals more than a diploma in four years. After the fifteen minutes were over, I was told to get Brian and go clean up a function by the main hall. I knew that Brian was behind the building, so out I went. When I got out, I was greeted by a huge surprise and a small crowd.
Apparently, Brian went on for more than just a blowjob. Too bad at the moment he had her jeans off (and his already around his ankles), the girl's parents round the corner looking for their little girl. From the screaming and yelling, more people came over to see what was happening. Poor Brian was stuck in a corner and had an angry father and accusing mother to deal with. Thankfully, I am a quick thinker. I run inside, grab a case of beer, make it around the corner behind the crowd, and put the beer beside the building. Then I mingle myself into the crowd as Brian is called a cradle robber. I yell "free beer" and see most of the crowd gone within the minute. All that was left was the parents.
Brian saw me and yelled for my help. He asked me to explain to the parents that he did not usually do this. He wanted me to tell them that he meant no harm. I looked at all four faces. Then, after a deep breath, I reacted the only way I knew. I began to lie.
"Brian, this is not the way to finish your last day here. I realize that you have a sex-addiction problem, but that does not give you the right to seduce the young women here. I want you to march into the building, grab a mop and bucket and clean the spill by the salad area." Brian gave me a look, I gave him a wink, and he sulked into the building.
"Now, as far as you folks are concerned. I am heartily sorry. I am an assistant manager here and felt wholly confident in Brian being alone to smoke a cigarette out of view of the freshmen females. I do not know how this obviously innocent girl was seduced away from your care and into the lap of this vile young worker in this empty lot behind our building. I am sure that you would love nothing better than to see that he is punished for this behavior. Unlike the Supreme Court, I believe heartily in the beating of my workers with a belt, whip, cutting board, or whatnot. I can assure each of you right now that this individual will only leave here a bloody stump of what he once was. He might forget his name after this beating, but he will not remember this infraction of improper conduct on his break."
By the time I was done with this little speech, the mother had moved her fear from her daughter's safety to Brian's. The father began to ask me to not be so harsh on the poor boy. "It is obvious that he has an addiction that he his trying to cope with. He probably turned to cigarettes to deal with it. And it is his last day; this would be a horrible thing to do to him." I kept my poker face going. I shook my head as though none of these things mattered and that my mind was made up. Then the father kept going.
"It was probably all my daughter's fault anyways. This is not the first time that it has happened. There was the Country Fair attendant in Ohio. Then it was the waiter at that Denny's in New York last year. Heck, at fifteen she went down on my business partner so that he would sell his share of the company to me. Please, be easy on the boy. I am sure that he meant no harm. I won't even report this incident."
That poker face was very difficult to hold all of a sudden. "I will consider this when I send him off today. You folks have a good drive home and keep an eye on your daughter." When that family walked away, I hopped back inside the building, shut the door, looked Brian in the eye, and began laughing my ass off. I later shook his hand and told him to wash up before we clean up that function. Goodness knows where that girl has been.
Dolomite