Dirtball
His fat over blown stinky dirty body waddled up to the fast food counter, with mustard and onion on his half toothless breath. He was holding a half eaten hamburger. His gut hanging out of his greasy tank top. He farted. He spat on the floor.
A young girl in a silly uniform asked if she could help him.
“Fukin aye right u can dumb bitch, u go on and tell me, where’s the fukin beef in this dam piece of bread sandwich shit fuk? I don’t see no dam beef like in that picture up there”
“Sir, would u like to talk to a manager?”
“Go git your fukin manager u dumb brace faced lil fukin whore.” The man spat, throwing the rest of the hamburger at her pimpled face. She almost started crying.
A geeky looking guy with glasses and all these wires attached to his ears, and a walkie-talkie thing around his belt loop came up to the fat rude fuk.
“What’s the problem here sir?”
“I’ll tell u the fukin problem you lil fukin nazi, that dam hamburger had no meat whatsoever in it. Now u gonna refund my money or you gonna take a right ass whoopin, you understand where I’m coming from fukass?”
The manager could smell the stench of whiskey on the man.
“Sir, it is not are policy to refund any money when u have verbally abused my employees, not to mention physically threw the rest of your hamburger at her face, in fact, I could have you arrested at this point.”
“Say what boy? Arrested, that fukin does it, you dumb fuks just don’t learn,” the big smelly cowboy inbred fuk grabbed the fast food manager by his shirt and pulled him over the counter and proceeded to kick the living shit out of him.
Nobody tried to stop him. Grandmas and grandpa’s and lil kids and other employees just watched, stunned, burgers and fries stuffed in greedy mouths.
The dirtball waddled out the fast food doors, and started up his pick up truck.
“fukin jerks” he spat.
He sped back to his backwoods farmhome. When he walked in the doors, his 14 year old son was fukin his 13-year-old daughter again.
“Dammit boy! Git off your sister! What the fuk I tell u bout dat shit!”
he slapped the boy, sending his naked body flying across the room into a bunch of beer cans and auto parts.
He grabbed his daughter by the hair, she screamed a toothless screech, he tossed her in a room, locking the door.
“Now both u lil monsters shut the fuk up, pa’s got some work to do out in the shed.”
He cracked a cheap beer.
His dog gypsy came running up to him. The texas sun was hotter then ever.
The cops pulled up to the fast food place. The brace face girl was still weeping, telling the two pigs what had happened, as two paramedics wheeled off the bloody manager.
He opened the shed. The dirtball did.
“come ere girl, some ere girl” he spat
The shed door shut.
Gypsy growled as the fat ol dirtball dropped his soiled pants.
“not again” the poor dog thought to itself.
“urf, mhmmff, urrrg,, mhhrrff. Bitch take it! take it.. mrrfggghff, errrf urrff”echoed into the hot air.
THE SOMETHING
two 15-year-old boys after school sit around one of their parents house after raiding the fridge and smoking some skunk. ones laid out on the couch with a remote in his hand flipping passed another horrible mtv song. the other kid is sitting in his stepfather’s chair, tapping his feet up and down, wondering if it’s time to trust his friend of 3 years.
-got something to show u frank-
-and what would that be Oliver?-
-something cool man, something I aint ever shown anyone-
-cool, where’s this big something at?-
-well, maybe I shouldn’t show u-
-don’t be such a jerk, u said u would-
-u have to swear that u will never , I mean never tell another soul on this planet, no matter what, if I show u this something-
-dude, it probably aint something i ever aint seen before-
frank responded, smirking a cocky grin-
-bull fuking shit- oliver said, come on, follow me.
the two boys put on their winter coats and walked over the back yard bridge of snow into the woods, puffing on cigarettes, and trying to fight the cold Michigan wind blowing their ears to a red crisp. Small rodents peak there heads out of snow holes to get a glimpse of the racket the boys feet make, stepping on frozen leaves, while they rip down branches and swing them at each other like Chinese machete karate fighters.
-so, are we almost there yet dude? my face is freezing and my socks are all wet and frozen, why we walking so far out into these woods anyway, eh Oliver?-
oliver stops for a second, taking a puff off his frozen smoke, looks frank in the eyes.
-u will see, patience my friend, but remember if u tell anyone what I’m about to show u, then I’m afraid ummm, well` just promise u wont tell anyone!?-
-I said I wouldn’t, now are we almost there?-
-almost, u aint gonna believe this frank, what I’m about to show u. u always asking why i’m so happy all the time, instead of all glum and negative like u, well, this here something i’m about to show u, is the reason why-
-does it have tits, a cunt, and a nice ass-?
-not quite dude, but it can, it can be anything and everything u want it to be and more-
-I think u been smoking crack again all night in your closet thinking the fuking fbi is coming up to your parents door at 5 a.m.-
0 refills
dentist
went to
poke grind
drill
prod needle numb
a young fella
clean cut
he’s got two lil kids
a typical looking
suburban wife
they know I want nitrous
don’t even have to ask
this time
he’s got a thing
for the price is right
on the TV above me
poke , drill, grind, pause,
chatter, older lady assistant,
real southern accent
massaging my temples
back up
“so u just come here for the nitrous, eh Nicholas?”
taking a jab at me
“nope, come here to spend half my pay check” I shoot back
we both laugh an uncomfortable laugh
fast forward
he turns tank on high
drilling near nerves
voices become odd
drowned out warped-
bzzz, bzzz, bzzz,
drill, prod, poke,
he has this camera
he can stick in my mouth
he turns off the price is right
and now I can see the inside
of my mouth on TV
looks like a mess in there
he points to all the different
teeth I need fixed
I hear his cash register
like from that pink Floyd song
Going…
Ca ching, ca ching, ca ching,
hands shaken
a full tooth again
empty wallet
numb face
“why do they always have to
give 0 refills on the pills?”
I think to myself
heading for the pharmacy
running a red light
